After All

Do you ever sit and wonder what the hell you've spent your time doing? I do! I feel there isn't enough time in a day to accomplish the simplest tasks. For example, washing the dishes or doing a load of laundry is equivalent to going to work for 8 hours. I can't wrap my mind around it. I see it! I know it needs to be done! No motivation!!! Kids running around; everyone room has a mess. I clean up and ten seconds later... Hurricane Wild Child rips through my house. Stop, nurse, clean and stare. My only normal functions as of now. After All... I'm only a Mother! Sanity where are you? Oh how I miss thee!! 

Ugh

Ugh!!! The word that comes out when something agitates us. I must say this at least a thousand times a day. When the kids run through the house screaming Mommy at the top of their lungs... UGH! Dishes overflowing.... UGH!  The cleanest word to use when we are trying to avoid from swearing. I've gotten to the point with UGH that my kids know to run away very swiftly. UGH means I've reached my highest nerve and I'm about blow the roof off the house. This should be in the dictionary with a picture of a mother damn near pulling her hair out. In some cases, weave in hand. UGH can also be used in a sense of relief. That moment when you get a second to yourself.... Ugh!!! Whether used in a stress induced situation or in a relaxing situation the word UGH is a Mommy's best friend. 

That moment when

My mind is scrambling with thoughts. I am overwhelmed with emotion. I can't seem to figure out how two people conceive Gods greatest blessings and one person can walk away so easily without remorse. I've been blessed to have four amazing little girls to call my own. The most beautiful people I've ever met. Each one gives me reason of being. I would think their father would feel the same. Instead, he puts on quite the show when someone is watching. Behind those closed doors, he is restless and annoyed. Impatient and disturbingly disrespectful. How could I have put so much faith into this man? After our rocky history, how can I still see the best in him? Am I that caught up in this moment that I am blinded. Chance after chance. Mistake after mistake. I am questioning myself on my decisions. Was everyone right to tell me to give him up? I chose to see someone great. I choose to accept the things he does. Good or bad. I feel

consumed with anger. I'm alone to take care of 4 girls and still maintain daily responsibilities. I'm not working... Maternity leave.... My newest edition is only 3 weeks old. I already know I am deprived of sleep. Blogging about it isn't helping lol... I just wanted some help. A diaper change here and there. Shit I don't know, a break maybe. So... I am here thinking how can I fix this. Do I let him go? Do I accept his actions and swallow my pride and forgive him?  For right now... I'm gonna take my sappy ass to bed (for a few hours) lol. Tomorrow I will implement a plan of reconstruction. Game on Baby Daddy!!!