That moment when

My mind is scrambling with thoughts. I am overwhelmed with emotion. I can't seem to figure out how two people conceive Gods greatest blessings and one person can walk away so easily without remorse. I've been blessed to have four amazing little girls to call my own. The most beautiful people I've ever met. Each one gives me reason of being. I would think their father would feel the same. Instead, he puts on quite the show when someone is watching. Behind those closed doors, he is restless and annoyed. Impatient and disturbingly disrespectful. How could I have put so much faith into this man? After our rocky history, how can I still see the best in him? Am I that caught up in this moment that I am blinded. Chance after chance. Mistake after mistake. I am questioning myself on my decisions. Was everyone right to tell me to give him up? I chose to see someone great. I choose to accept the things he does. Good or bad. I feel

consumed with anger. I'm alone to take care of 4 girls and still maintain daily responsibilities. I'm not working... Maternity leave.... My newest edition is only 3 weeks old. I already know I am deprived of sleep. Blogging about it isn't helping lol... I just wanted some help. A diaper change here and there. Shit I don't know, a break maybe. So... I am here thinking how can I fix this. Do I let him go? Do I accept his actions and swallow my pride and forgive him?  For right now... I'm gonna take my sappy ass to bed (for a few hours) lol. Tomorrow I will implement a plan of reconstruction. Game on Baby Daddy!!!